If there are two things we love at Plucky Media HQ, it’s our expansive tea collection and the zodiac. Whether you get your zodiac content from the @poetastrologers, @astrologyheaux, or through zodiac based tumblr memes, there’s nothing better than the intersection of the zodiac and pop culture! Also, NO TEA NO SHADE NO PINK LEMONADE, but the other tea article we read got everybody’s tea COMPLETELY WRONG, so I had to fix that!!!! Anyways, here’s the tea on every zodiac sign bbys.
“I never go outside unless I look like Joan Crawford the movie star. If you want to see the girl next door, go next door.”
– Joan Crawford, Aries
Aries is known for being courageous, optimistic, being incredibly passionate (and sometimes aggressive). The Aries mind is always active and ready to tackle anything they put their mind to. Passion Tango Herbal Tea. It’s a sweet, warming, and packs a punch, just like the Aries!
“Success isn’t overnight. It’s when every day you get a little better than the day before. It all adds up.”
– Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Taurus
You’re a down to earth person that’s steadfast, secure, a little stubborn, and has that bit of fire. Your tea is going to be Constant Comment by Bigelow Tea. You and Constant Comment are both bright, bold, and sweet (with just a little spice).
“A strong spirit transcends rules.”
-Prince, a Gemini, amiright?
If you’re a Gemini, then you are high-energy, witty, and rarely stay still for long. Because of your changeable and flexible nature, you’re the Rooibos Tea. Rooibos or “red tea” isn’t technically a true tea, but an herbal infusion. It’s harvested as a young plant, and because of that, it tastes sweet, grassy, and floral. The innocent and carefree nature of Gemini pairs so nicely with this type of tea.
I Only Skate When I Have Emotional Trauma
— Jaden Smith (@officialjaden) September 17, 2017
Oh, Jaden, you sweet baby Cancer. You and your emotions go hand and hand. You seek safety and value the closeness with others, especially family. Because you crave comfort, you are the Royal Myanmar Tea Mix. People in Myanmar typically drink their tea with condensed milk. It’s sweet, indulgent, and the perfect comfort tea for a Cancer sign.
Don’t even call yourself an art student unless you’ve used a blood orange as a genital metaphor.
— Cole M. Sprouse (@colesprouse) July 16, 2017
Cole Sprouse— #classic Leo.
Leos are larger than life and the center of attention. They can command a crowd in seconds. The perfect tea for the Leo is Egyptian Licorice Tea. Egyptian Kings used to ingest licorice for it’s bold and sweet flavor. Licorice is also good for the throat and will help the mighty Leo roar on.
“I’m not bossy, I’m the boss.”
Like Beyonce, Virgos are the most hardworking, precise, and practical of the signs. They value order and carefully approach everything they value in life. The perfect tea for the Virgo is Builders Tea. Builders Tea is an incredibly strong black tea that will get the busy Virgo through anything. It’s bold and perfect for the focused Virgo.
Her eyes were closed and I was feeling my look! Can I live?!?!
— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) December 15, 2014
Kim K, the Libra to Kanye’s Gemini.
The whimsical Libra strives for balance, beauty, and harmony among their peers. The perfect tea for any Libra is any Chamomile Tea. Chamomile is known for being a great tea to help with stress, sleep, and can even make your skin and hair glow! Chamomile is also a beautiful plant, perfect for any Libra’s aesthetic goals. Chamomile is the perfect cup of tea for the Libra that seeks order and harmony.
“I don’t have pet peeves, I have whole kennels of irritation.”-Whoopi Goldberg
Like Whoopi Goldberg, Scorpio’s are very passionate, steadfast in their ways, and incredibly loyal to those they love. Their piercing nature can intimidate many, but once you’re in their inner circle, you will be so thankful for their loyalty. The perfect tea for any Scorpio is Mate. Mate is praised to have almost the same strength as coffee. This tea is bold, caffeinated, and can pack a punch just like any Scorpio.
My face when celebs say “Ty, I want U to mentor me to be a biz woman” but they just wanna hit the club w/me. pic.twitter.com/FaAYArsyRJ
— Tyra Banks (@tyrabanks) April 6, 2013
Tyra shook the earth when she proclaimed “Kiss my fat ass!” on The Tyra Show. Like her, the crazy Sagittarius is fun loving, a free spirit, and incredibly social. You are often the center of attention and are very popular. Your tea is Kombucha. Kombucha is a fizzy, unique, and can keep you on your toes! If Kombucha isn’t brewed just right, then it could ACTUALLY kill you, just like if you test a Saggitarius. Kombucha is perfect for any Sagittarius, but make sure you buy it from an actual store.
“But generally speaking, I tend to be quiet and introspective”
-Rowan Atkinson, a Capricorn
Rowan Atkinson, or Mr. Bean, like most Capricorns, not only has great business savvy but has a great sense of humor. Capricorns are ambitious, always purposeful, and take responsibility (and everything) very seriously. The tea for the Capricorn is Shu Pu-Erh. This tea is actually a brick tea. This traditional tea is incredibly dense, sweet, and earthy. It is brewed only when it should be ready. The Capricorn will warm up to you when they feel like it’s the right time. Shu Pu-Erh is perfect for the Capricorn’s old soul.
“Think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another stepping stone to greatness.”
-Oprah, a Aquarius
The Aquarius sign, like Oprah, is known as the humanitarian amongst the entire zodiac. They believe in community, humanity, and are very progressive. The perfect tea for the Aquarius sign is Matcha. Matcha is a slow release caffeine and provides a powerhouse of health benefits and energy. Matcha is the perfect pairing for the progressive Aquarius. It will give them the energy they need to change the world!
“It’s tougher to be vulnerable than to actually be tough”
-Rihanna, a Pisces
The Pisces is the most gentle and whimsical of all the signs. They rely heavily on their intuition and emotional intelligence. Though they do sometimes have a “martyr complex,” they do generally care about the overall well-being of others. Because the Pisces sign performs a lot of emotional labor, they seek the solace of alone time and rest. The perfect tea is actually any Sleepy Time Tea, particularly Bigelow’s Sweet Dreams Tea. It’s a blend of chamomile and mint that quiets the mind and is perfect for the Dreamy Pisces.
And that’s all folks!
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