5 Characters I Hope To See in the Hellboy Reboot

As you may already know, there is a Hellboy reboot in the works, featuring everyone’s favorite detective from Stranger Things’, David Harbour. As Mike Mignola, the creator of the graphic novels, says in The Verge, this time around it will have an R-rating, leaning in the,

“horror direction, more so than the fantasy direction del Toro was doing. When Neil came on, we decided to go for an R rating, so he doesn’t have his hands tied, and so he can go as dark and as tough as he wants to go. I was a fan of his, and when he came onboard, I thought it was terrific: now it’s really going to be an action-horror film.”

While there are currently not a ton of details, there are so many characters I’m looking forward to seeing in this reboot. As much as I love Guillermo Del Toro, who really introduced me to Hellboy, when I started reading the comics I saw so many amazing characters and great lore the films weren’t tapping into. In fact, in 2014 or 2015, when I was still working at a movie theatre, I was doing research with a friend on actually making a Hellboy 3 fan-series on Youtube. We didn’t get very far, but I still have a soft spot for all the characters I was interested in including. With that in mind, here are 5 characters I hope to see in the reboot.

1. Baba Yaga

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via Nerdist

One of my favorite things about starting the series was the degree of Russian mythology that was infused throughout it. Throughout Wake the Devil and Darkness Calls, she serves as a major player, aligning with Rasputin. She’s just a cool and interesting villain. As Time Magazine explains,

“In some old Slavic accounts, Baba Yaga is a wizened hag who rides in a floating mortar that is directed in flight by its pestle. In other Russian tales, she lives in a hut in the woods ringed by a fence of skulls and elevated on a pair of chicken legs. In almost all versions, Baba Yaga is meant to be very, very scary — the creature best suited to frighten ill-behaved children since, according to legend, she has a habit of kidnapping and eating them.”

In addition, she brings with her all of the fairies and just really good lore. I’d love to see Hellboy squaring off against her. Can you imagine? I hope she beats him up with a Pestle.

2. Hecate

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via Multiversity Comics

Like okay, I know, another mythological witch? But Hellboy‘s Hecate is so much more than the weird plot device you see her as in Macbeth— she is a force to be reckoned with. Hecate, no matter what story she is placed in, is more than a witch but is even worshipped as a goddess. As the dictionary defines her, she is,

a goddess of the earth and Hades,

associated with sorcery, hounds, and crossroads.”

Especially because Hellboy deals so much with the idea of apocalypse and the idea that Hellboy himself could bring it about, she’s a great villain, as an embodiment of hell and the crossroads, for him to try and defeat.

In the comics, even when he defeats her, she attaches herself into a man’s soul, and then when he dies, she takes over AN IRON MAIDEN, crushes a female nazi inside it, and proceeds to beat the sh*t out of Hellboy as a MAGICAL IRON MAIDEN. I’d love to see all of that play out. A giant and transforming iron maiden or just Hecate in her normal form would be amazing.

3. Roger the Homunculus

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via Multiversity Comics

Honestly, I’m a little surprised the Guillermo Del Toro movies didn’t have much of Roger because a homunculus kind of seems like his thing. It’s the type of creature that could be super creepy, artsy, and fantastical, which is pretty much his aesthetic. One of the reasons I fell in love with Hellboy is the practical effects and puppetry, so it’s kind of surprising a puppet homunculus didn’t happen. While there was a glimpse of a statue of him, it would have been nice to have more.

In addition, just going into the witchcraft necessary and ideas around Homunculi would just be really cool.

Either way though, Roger the Homunculus, was actually a big part of the gang in the comics and actually teamed up with Abe a lot. Also, the idea of being made for a purpose and not wanting to fulfill it is a big theme in Hellboy that would be cool to play into.

4. Dr. Kate Corrigan

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via austin eustice

A professor in Folklore and SUPER competent, as well as one of Hellboy’s closest friends, I would love to see her in the franchise again, even as Director of Field Operations for BPRD.

When I started reading about her in the comics, I loved how as an academic, she was an equal to Hellboy. Her knowledge and expertise helped as much as his brawn. Also, she helped explain some of the lore I loved.

If I had gone through with that fan series, I actually would have wanted to play her. I love the fact that they have a great friendship and would be a great addition to the gang.

5. THAT Gorilla

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via IGN

Is there a more iconic image than Hellboy fighting a Gorilla with bolts sticking out of it? Just for an amazing fight scene, this gorilla would be a great addition to the movie. Maybe it would be a waste of CGI, but it would just be a great fight scene with an iconic scene from the comics. In addition, it gives a chance to see Herman von Klempt’s head in a jar and play into the Nazi Ragna Rok mad scientist storyline even more.

In addition, while I didn’t get very far in my abandoned Hellboy 3 fan project, the only thing that was actually set in stone was to have a huge Hellboy and Gorilla battle. So honestly, that’s just for me.

Those are just a couple of my favorites! Who do you hope to see in the new Hellboy? Comment or share with your favorite characters!

Where Has My South Park Gone?

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South Park has always been my guilty pleasure. When I couldn’t count on anything else, I could just go on Hulu, pick a random episode and actually enjoy myself. When I wasn’t watching The Situation Room with Wolf Blitzer, The Daily Show, or The Colbert Report, Sarah and I spent our afternoons pulled up to our desktop computer binging through all of the South Park episodes the Comedy Central website had to offer. The past two seasons, the show was actually on to something. Season 19 was the smartest season of the show to date, actually taking down how “activism” and advertising tie together. Going further, Season 20’s look at Member Berries and the power of nostalgia, was actually going somewhere really cool until the show imploded from the Trump upset. Last season, there were a lot of brilliant ideas being thrown out, and even interesting commentary about how internet trolls operate. As Matt Miller puts it in Esquire, 

“You have to give Parker and Stone credit for trying to serialize Season 20 amid the most unpredictable news cycle in recent memory. But it just didn’t work. Ideas were started and abandoned. Story lines fizzled out (What happened to the gentlemen’s club? What exactly happened with the Member Berries?). The stories that were completed either made no sense or seemed like they were forced together, as if Parker and Stone tried to shove a puzzle piece into the wrong spot. (Why was SpaceX involved? What were they trying to say with Cartman’s girlfriend? What was the deal with Star Wars and J.J. Abrams?) It was a season of half-thoughts and glimmers of brilliance that never amounted to anything.”

With the end-of-season title, “The End of Serialization as We Know It”, there was a lot to expect from the premiere of Season 21. It was clear that they were going to give up the serialization experiment. No more interconnectivity of episodes, no big message, but that never stopped South Park before. Even before serialization, they’ve been able to tackle issues like buyouts and panic from the recession in Margaritaville and the trend of handheld camera horror movies in Pandemic Part 1 and Pandemic Part 2. So there was a lot to expect from a show that is always able to capitalize on trends and critique the world we live in, right?

Apparently not. Because last night, we got a South Park episode empty of any meaningful commentary whatsoever.

[NOTE: Spoilers under the cut]

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I’m Dreaming of a Lesbian Xena Reboot

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Everything these days seems to be getting a reboot. Though, it seems one reboot that actually would have been amazing, is dead in the water before I had even heard it was happening. According to Out Magazine,

“Once upon a time, NBC was planning a big, lesbian reboot of Xena: Warrior Princess but, because we can’t have nice things, that reboot is apparently dead…The revival, which was set to bring back co-creators Rob Tapert and Sam Raimi, was going to focus more on the lesbian relationship between the Amazonian goddess and Gabrielle as well as, you know, the fighting and her iconic armbands… It was rumored that these creative differences stemmed from him wanting to put the lesbian relationship front-and-center, which lead to today’s announcement from NBC Entertainment president Jennifer Salke that the reboot won’t go forward at all.”

Which is a huge bummer. Even though I wasn’t the biggest Xena fan of all time, a lesbian reboot would’ve been amazing. We may not get to see a lesbian Xena reboot anytime soon, but we can still dream of what might have been. With that in mind, here are 3 things I would have loved to have seen in the reboot.

1. We Could See Their Adorable Homelife

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So yeah, they kick a lot of ass and take a lot of names, but can you imagine what an adorable home life we could have seen? There are so many possibilities:

  • Maybe a la 30 Rock, they could have had a fight in their local Amazonian IKEA
  • Maybe they use their local form of Pinterest (probably an actual bulletin board of ideas) and do a DIY project together for their beautiful home
  • Maybe you know it’s all kicking ass on the week days but on the weekends they have brunch and garden

Do they brew their own wine and beer? Do they breed animals? Do they just have really adorable date nights? We could have had it all. We could have had kickass-ness AND lesbian normalcy.

In the TV Tropes page on “Hide Your Lesbians“, they describe the series saying,

“The show features one of the best known and longest running examples of this trope in the implied relationship between Xena and Gabrielle. Though the subtext becomes more and more explicit throughout the series, particularly during the final season, they’re never officially confirmed to be anything more than Heterosexual Life-Partners, and both characters are seen engaged in serious relationships (in one case, even a short-lived marriage) with male characters at various points throughout the series. It should be noted, though, that in later seasons, they stopped having Temporary Love Interests.”

Just by being able to show that there IS a relationship would be radical and fulfilling. To be able to show the “relationship”-y things present on any given sitcom would finally give these characters not something hinted at, but real and affirming.

2. Hercules and Xena Could Be Bro’s 

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If we forget about all of the romance and marriage stuff, we can’t ignore the fact that Xena and Hercules would make amazing bro’s. After a long day of kicking ass and sending Titans back to hell or whatever the hell that animated movie was about, they could totally hang out.

Image result for xena and hercules animated movie

After they put up their weapons, they could have gone to their local bar, had a couple beers and been like,

“Ladies… can’t live with them, can’t live without them, am I right?!”

It would have been great. They could have even done a whole episode a la How I Met Your Mother doing really stupid dares with each other. Even Gabrielle taking part in a series of drink offs, and drag their drunk asses home.

3. We’d See Xena OWN Misogynists and TERF’s

Image result for xena warrior princess
via Den of Geek

and it would have been totally awesome. Every episode could be like

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via giphy

“You think this is a phase?! I was born this badass you asshole— POW”

and

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via Reddit user gameraboy

“You have been repeatedly asked to use the correct pronouns. WHACK”

and

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via Tenor

“If your feminism isn’t intersectional, it’s not feminism. And as a cis woman we should lift up our gender non-conforming peers, not punch down [BATTLE CRY]”

Or maybe she would just kick bad guys asses. Even if the show wasn’t setting out to be political, it would be. To show an actual lesbian relationship, a show with a leading lesbian character, and just general great combat, it would be amazing.

But For Now, We’ll Have to Stick to Fanfiction

All that being said, this reboot isn’t happening and who knows when it will. The potential lesbian sitcom about kicking ass and a 20+ old lesbian relationship will have to stay on our vision boards and in fanfiction. These aren’t the only ideas in the world about a Xena and Gabrielle romance though, you can always dig into fanfiction archives like fanfiction.net and Archive of Our Own. That or you can get started with a Xena reboot of your own, though chances are NBC won’t be interested. To get started, you can stream the original show on Hulu.

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